Have you ever felt that feeling that someone does not like you? So they behave rudely toward you. I’m sure we all have at one point or another.
My parents taught me an important “proverb” when I was in grade school. Every time I felt that a classmate disliked me, they’d tell me, “it’s not like you’re a golden coin. Not everyone is going to like you.” These words were followed by laughter and another statement, “you shouldn’t mind people who don’t like you.”
Now, as an adult, I don’t care if people do not like me. However, I do want to know the why. I am aware that this is somewhat destructive because I don’t have control over the perceptions of people—not that I thirst to control minds. But I do wonder, why?
I try to be polite and respectful to everyone I meet. Of course, I am not perfect and probably miss that mark at times. I try to question and analyze why certain people do not like me or others at first sight or simply by uttering a word or a statement. The worse part is when “everyone” likes a person that you can sense does not like you. Then you wonder, why doesn’t he/she like me but they do everyone else? Or at least I know I think about it.
One of the things I’ve been training/telling myself to do is the following: Do not allow rude or impolite people to interfere with my “moral codes” of politeness or manners. I have to admit that I try my best to remain tempered because I am an opinionated person. I like to speak up for what I believe. However, there are better ways of managing differences in opinions and individuals who dislike you.
My parents taught me the art of “good manners”. I never felt they taught me this idea of manners to feel superior to others. And the subject of manners is a bit complex because culture influences what manners should be, so it may vary from person to person.
Here is my take on manners and favorite one. I learned it from a movie!
One of my favorite movies, Blast from the Past (starring Brendan Fraser and Alicia Silverstone), brings to light the subject of manners. Eve (Silverstone) and Troy (Dave Foley) engage in a discussion on what Adam (Fraser’s character) thinks of good manners. In his own words, Troy clarifies Adam’s explanation, “Good manners is just a way of showing people that we have respect for them.” When I think about this line, I love the idea! Be respectful.
Troy continues, “It turns out, in short, in a simple definition of a lady or gentleman, is someone who always tries to make sure that the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.”
Again, I love their discussion on manners because it’s not about acting superior to others but to respect people and to make others feel comfortable. Impolite people don’t care to make others uncomfortable or to disrespect them. Now, I’m a big believer of speaking up and defending yourself against rude people—or speaking up for others for that matter. But at times, it’s really not worth it. It’s wiser to walk away and be the bigger person. Or avoid these people in your life. They’re toxic.
Why am I writing about this? Because I have encountered a lot of rude people, and it does frustrate me. I keep reminding myself that I have to live up to my own ideals and expectations. I’m responsible for who I want to be, how I want to behave, and why.
I have to accept the reality that we live in a world of human beings full of imperfections. And like them, I am obviously full of faults. But I’m a believer that self-reflection is crucial for personal growth.
I choose to stay with the concept of manners from Blast to the Past or Adam’s belief. I choose to be a lady with good manners. And if I were a gentleman, then I’d opt to be a gentleman with good manners. The good thing about this definition of manners is that I don’t feel objectified. (haha!)
Do you like the definition of manners that we find in Blast from the Past? Why or why not? Do you care when people dislike you? Why or Why not? What’s your definition of manners? I’d love to know your opinions!
Here is the YouTube link of Blast from the Past. It’s just about 49 seconds, the topic on manners.