Mentally All Over the Place

I believe my uncle passed away about two years ago. Quite frankly, I am not really sure why he died because it’s a long story. I couldn’t even go to the burial to pay my respects because our relatives gave us different dates. So that was a little hurtful. This time, it seems, my aunt might pass away [these are my mother’s siblings by the way]. Obviously, we’re hoping for a miracle. She has about 90% of her arteries clogged. Just about a week ago, my mother’s dog died. It’s terrible to see life weighing in on her, but that’s life.

I am not trying to compare the life of a precious little animal with the one of a human, but it was still painful. She had some form of cancer, a “silencer,” that suddenly hits dogs sometimes. So we had to put her down because the veterinarian blatantly told us she wasn’t going to make it. That little death, as I call it, brought memories about my uncle. It’s peculiar. But it just did.

And now, well, another person battles death. The odd part is that I’ve seen this uncle and aunt a lot when I was a kid. As the years passed by, we all continued our own journey and path.

Right now, I am only focusing on graduating this upcoming May with my Master’s in English. I am hoping to teach in a high school as a full-time teacher or teach freshmen writing at a junior college. Fingers crossed! Having three classes in grad school is pretty intense. But I’m hoping and praying to God that I make it through. My classes are 3 hours long, and we have full discussions about our reading and or research. I swear teachers think you only have their class. Lol! It’s okay. I do like intense learning and working my brain.

I like all my classes so far and all my teachers. Teachers appear to have the key to endless knowledge—a knowledge, I feel, I’ll never reach! My peers are all extremely knowledgeable and intellectual—I like that because I’m always ready to learn from everyone. As an introvert, though, I do rehearse my little speech before speaking up, and I like to think a lot. So far I have not noticed any issues—that I know of—with my professors. That’s always good for an introvert.

I wanted to take the time to write something else besides all the reading and writing and research that I have to do for this week alone. Today, though, I had to miss class. With the terrible news about my aunt, my mother was devastated, my father and siblings too. We thought we had to drive out there today. But it seems we’ll be able to until tomorrow.

There’s a strange feeling about a loved one being so close to death. It’s like watching a thriller full of overwhelming suspense. You know the killer is at hand, but you’re still hoping the victim escapes. I’m aware that I might be all over with this blog, but that’s just how my emotions feel…all over the place—trying to stay strong for my mom and borderline ready to break down. I’m assuming those are normal reactions.

Anyway, I took a picture of my list of books for this semester. And I’m still missing books! Plus, we receive other reading material through email, and as I mentioned, I still have to do my own research for my own topic per class. Nice huh!