Sometimes I ask myself, why are things so difficult? Most believe that difficulties teach you lessons, and I agree. But boy is it tough to just accept things and move on, especially because I am a dweller. I start thinking, “What did I do wrong?” or “What could I have done better?” or “Is it my personality?” For the most part, things are not just handed to me. Well, occasionally I’ve gotten a free Starbucks. That sure makes my day when it happens. But as I said, I have to work hard for what I want.
About less than a year ago, I decided to stop pursuing the insurance agent career. You can make a lot of money, but I didn’t care much about the figures. It’s not my thing. I dedicated to school while I found a job in teaching. I rather earn a relatively decent living and be happy than to make tons of money and be miserable. And I love to teach. I have a lot of experience tutoring, and I love the process of helping a student build an academic essay. It’s wonderful to see a student gradually become great at writing because I believe everyone has the ability to improve with the right guidance.
I finally had the opportunity early this year. A high school hired me as a substitute teacher, then I’d be training this summer to be prepared for a full-time position this upcoming fall. I was excited. But something went wrong, and my application wasn’t filed properly on time. It wasn’t my fault. I turned everything as soon as humanly possible. I am not sure what happened. I’m still given a type of opportunity, but it’s nowhere compared to what I was offered, and it’s unfortunate.
Now, I have to go on the prowl once again looking for another full-time job. And that’s difficult. So now what? The sure thing is that degrees don’t get you jobs. I mean, they help. But it’s not on a priority list for most employers. Strong connections and experience help you get an opportunity–sometimes not all of us have that. Most people don’t want to cope with training a person. You’d think, “hey, this person got themselves through a few degrees. Let’s hire her. She means business.” It doesn’t work like that.
On the one hand, as a normal mortal trying to get by on planet earth, yes, I am frustrated. I’m angry. But emotions aren’t going to help me get a job. Feelings don’t get people jobs. It’s whatever you have on your application and if they like it (or whoever you know).
On the other hand, if I step back and pause the scene, I ask myself, “Why did this happen?” As a person who believes in God, I have to think that everything happens for a reason and maybe this wasn’t my path. The if’s and maybe’s sum up. Life throws curve balls. I had everything planned out for this year, then suddenly those plans went to the gutter. However, I will try my best (my very best) to remain optimistic about the sudden outcome.
My writing plans will not be deterred. I will keep blogging and trying to finish my writing projects. It’s very difficult to stay motivated when things go awry. But it harms no one when you are stuck, especially if you decide to stay there. It only hinders your ability to move forward. So we owe it to ourselves to unstuck and keep moving forward—even if the plans change and the steps feel heavier.
©Ana P. Rose & Anaprose 2017.