It’s interesting to me how the people I looked up to years ago, I no longer do. I asked myself, why? I will not say that it’s because they don’t serve a purpose on this earth or in someone else’s life, not at all the case. The thing is, I’ve changed. My priorities have changed. The people who crowded my mind or the things that did no longer do. I try not to fight what is. I’m a thinker, and I analyze everything such as, “What did I do wrong? What did I say wrong?” Those answers never have an accurate or logical explanation behind them.
I can adjust my actions or words, and most people will still see me as whoever they want to see me. Also, people gather minimum or limited information, and they think they know you. Even now, I arrived at the conclusion that I don’t truly know my loved ones or friends. At times, they have reactions it never occurred to me they would have—whether those are positive or negative actions/words. I’m sure I shock people too in both ways. Of course, I always hope for the positives ones. But even then, you can put all your effort and time to someone or something, and you will not be appreciated. So even positive things can be perceived as not good in someone else’s eyes.
I feel estranged from many people. It’s a feeling that I know them, but at the same time, I don’t. Like they live in this alternate universe, and we occasionally meet on my planet. They seem different. But maybe I’m just seeing everything with a new pair of eyes. Lately, these days, those pair of eyes don’t care to figure out why others do what they do.
I want to search inside my mind, heart, and soul to continue walking my path. After so much walking and searching, I hope to reach something magical—whatever that may be to you (or me).
If I give myself a chance to answer the following, what is magical? I think writing a fantasy world filled with characters and emotions is magical. I have not had time to write my story. But even thinking about it makes me feel at peace or relieved. So I better find the time ASAP.
I’m still wondering what the purpose of this blog is. I don’t know. Do you know?
Do you have blogs that feel important, but somehow you don’t know exactly what is what you’re trying to say?
©Ana P. Rose & Anaprose 2017.