Well, 2018 is pretty much gone. I have to admit that it wasn’t the most fabulous year for me. Here’s a list:
1. I had to quit my job because the position that was promised to me as a full-time English professor went to someone else–an outsider, not from the church or school.
2. My mother got ill and was diagnosed with liver disease despite the fact she doesn’t drink alcohol, takes medication, or the like. However, it seems her weight might have been an issue. The doctors are not sure.
3. My sister also got ill, and the doctors still don’t know why her legs cramp and tighten to the point that she can’t walk and is in tears. She is a healthy person at her normal weight, and she exercises. She also doesn’t drink alcohol or takes any time of medication, except maybe over the counter ibuprofen.
4. I ended up ill myself. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and with an ulcer. The thyroid issue is overwhelming to me because it affects my hormones, and I feel extremely lethargic, sleepy, and moody.
5. Finally, my little dog will need surgery during the 1st week of January. Her doctor isn’t sure what it is yet, but we are hoping it’s an “easy” surgery so that she can recuperate quickly.
There are several other issues that I don’t even want to unpack. But it’s been an incredibly stressful year. And yet, as bad as it sounds, good things came too. For instance, my mother got on a super healthy diet. She’s almost at her goal weight, and her doctor told her that her case is potentially reversible. Therefore, we are grateful to God for the excellent news! My sister has slowly improved too, and she can lightly exercise now. That makes me happy.
I love food! However, I have been more mindful of what I eat too. Do you know that feeling when you are so tired and sleepy after a long day of work, and you can’t take it anymore? Imagine feeling like that 24/7. Lately, that’s how I feel. The ulcer has been hurting too, so it interfered with my exercise routine. Though I still feel fatigued, I believe that I can jump back to an exercise routine soon. Perhaps not too intense just yet, but I feel ready for a light workout, which is annoying because I like to push myself during a workout. But, oh well. I have to start somewhere.
I have battled with my faith toward the end of this year. And yet, God, hope, and faith are all that I have clung onto–and of course my family. Moreover, my imperfections have heightened so much during all this struggle (I don’t know why exactly), but there are many things I want to change about myself and improve. For sure, “I have two voices:” one that says, “You can,” and the other, “You can’t.”
What have I learned? That I shouldn’t worry about those, who don’t value me as a person. Actions speak louder than words. I’ve learned that it’s okay to struggle with your spiritual life. I have learned to value my family even more because they are all I have at this moment. I went from having a social life, “many friends,” but people grow apart–and that is also okay because it creates opportunities to meet other people. I have to admit that it’s hard to open up to people when you feel that individuals have let you down. But I am a sociable person, so I know that when I am ready, I will not have too many problems at all.
My job? For now, I started my own small business of scented lamps & oils as I have mentioned in a different blog. I’m learning so much about business. I am also at 53,000 words of my first book that I am writing. I have a roof over my head, food, water, clothes, shoes, a comfortable bed, transportation, a computer to write, several books to read, goals so on and so forth. In spite of all the struggles, I have learned to be thankful.
I’ve gotten very frustrated with life this year, but I managed to maintain hopeful. People have lied to me, let me down, put me down, or mocked me. But my prayer to God has been to set my heart free from any anger, hate, or bitterness. I’m sure I’ve let people down too, so I can’t be too harsh on anyone because no one is perfect. However, it’s essential to learn to admit mistakes, apologize and learn.
It’s been such a long streak of striving for things, professionally or career wise, personally, and it just doesn’t work out. Perhaps it’s my fault, or it’s something out of my control or both. I don’t know why this is happening, and I don’t know how long it will continue. However, as long as I’m breathing, I will never give up.
I fully understand that moving into 2019 will not magically make all my problems disappear. Yet, I have to admit that above everything, I am happy that my mom and sister made it through the year. I hope that they continue to get well and that I finally have breakthroughs for 2019.
If you’re struggling too, I hope and wish for many blessings ahead. Happy New Year’s (2019), everyone. Thank you for supporting this blog.